Narrow the Ask

We can all agree asking people for favors is cringey. We had no choice but to get over it – so we did. It was a critical part of building our business network that we still tap into it today! But, we always made sure we gave more than we asked for and made it as easy as we could for people to help us.

You know the drill at this point - let’s just recap on our Rule Two Maverick Must Dos before we dive in.

Ok, let’s start testing your first-generation networking matrix. In some cases, you’ll be phoning, emailing or DM’ing for advice or perspective. Easy enough. People generally like to act as the expert on areas they know well, and many times they are happy to shoot the sh$# with you, too. You can often gain a lot of input for a little effort, especially if you’re willing to pick up the tab for coffee, lunch or drinks.

In many cases, however, you are going to be asking for a favor – usually an introduction to a person or an organization. This can be a little pricklier. Here’s how we did it.

Stay in your contact’s wheelhouse. First and foremost, do NOT ask someone important for a favor unless you know damn well they can deliver. If you’re asking for an introduction, know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the person you’re asking knows the person you’re asking to meet. Do your due diligence before you write that email, make the call or send the DM. Cyberstalk their LinkedIn contacts. Recall, in detail, those murky wine chats where your target contact was discussed. But if your contact doesn’t have your contact, you just wasted an ask. And just like a genie-in-a-bottle, you only have so many wishes. 

Be as specific as possible. The second secret to success is to make sure the ask is narrow. We appreciate it when people ask us for an introduction to a specific person or entity. Or at least give us so much DNA about the type of person they want to speak with that we can pinpoint their exact identity. Avoid fishing expeditions and don’t ask for general introductions to “smart people in the retail industry.” Instead, narrow your focus to a contact with a track record of “success scaling retail in the western United States.” By narrowing the ask, you make it quicker and easier for your contact to respond. Same goes for investor introductions. Do your legwork ahead of time – i.e. know your company’s stage, its likeliest investor and the other companies in that investor’s portfolio – so you can home in on the exact ask. The good news is that your target is probably trying to find ways to keep up with her investor network so it’s a win win.

Help them help you. Be careful, as the harder you make it for your contact to respond to your request, the lower success rate you will have. Remember, most successful people are as busy as you are, and your ask may be number 99 on their list for the day. Generally, we found any ask that our contact could get done in three minutes or less got done that day. If it took a series of steps or a few days, the chances were a lot lower. It took us a while to realize that our go-tos genuinely wanted to help us succeed. But if our request would cause them to miss a meeting or a Soulcycle class, they would put it off. And off again.

Be ready to reciprocate. Figure out how and when you can be valuable to your contacts in return. Always leave the door open so contacts realize your ask doesn’t have to be a one-sided affair. We often asked existing clients for an intro to a colleague within their company who might be able to buy a different or additional service from our firms. In return, we willingly served as ground zero when they, or someone they were trying to help, started a new job hunt. We were quick to share any tips and happy to make headhunter introductions at the drop of a hat. Do be self-aware, though. Beyonce or Kamala probably don’t need a favor from you, so sometimes simply being gracious – through a little public cheerleading or just a quiet thank you note – is enough.  

Move on from radio silence. It’s inevitable that some of your queries won’t get a response. People are busy. Give them the benefit of the doubt. But if several attempts to connect go unanswered, start the hunt for another contact who can replace that skill on your matrix. At the same time, be sure you’re not the one who only connects with people when you have something to ask. We can’t tell you how many times people didn’t respond to our emails or invitations. Until they found themselves needing a favor – usually in the middle of a job search. Guess what? We still returned the call.

Don’t overstep. Finally, and this one is obvious, don’t ask someone you don’t know really well for a connection. Their network was as tough to build as yours – have some respect for this valuable asset just as you’ll want others to respect yours. 

What’s Next?

We can’t put into words how instrumental our kitchen cabinet has been to our business valuations. But we can and do reciprocate the hell out of them. We were the first to have their back, pick up their call, help in a job search or return a DM within seconds. We cheered (and in fact, are still cheering) publicly and privately, through successes and failures. It’s this reciprocity and support – and, let’s face it, 24/7 availability – that made us thick as thieves. Next week, we will talk about an easy way to make sure you keep these relationships going, no matter how busy you get.